Waiting for a Sign -Poem by Yalda Hajavi

What is this that you’ve got me doing?
What is this game that you’re constantly playing with me?
What are these tricks that you’re fooling me with?
What happened to love and never forget?
What are you? Rushing slowly down my spine,
What is this breeze that comes from time to time?
How is pain felt, when all I am is numb?
And what about the good times that just went all wrong?
I’m nothing more than washed away sand,
Pain and shame are read through the lines on my hands,
Sometimes they curve and extend,
Yet sometimes blood draws through every chance.

What is this that kills me inside?
It’s tough when all I’m trying to do is stay alive,
Just one more second to cherish on this earth wont hurt,
Just one more sunset to see without whispering a single word.

I’m numb in every inch that makes up my soul,
Give me a punch and no harm will let go,
I’m falling into a steep hole,
Filled with reasons as why I should burn and dry up in the cold,

I’m nothing, filled with just air,
Air that has been polluted with a dark stare,
I’m blind to my surroundings of time to spare,
I’m not the sign you’re looking for when you dream of a heiress,
I’m dirty, weak, and full,
Full of crying, suffering, and having to let go.

I Haven’t seen the light that’s hiding in my eyes in years,
I’m just a raindrop that’s full of tears,
Sometimes I wish I could run away from my fears,
Form my own tribe of slow dreamers.

What is this I ask you, you trashy heart,
Where’s that pulse of yours that’s supposed to be beating for my life,
What is misery, if I’m dead to feel,
Am I suffering?
Or am I just another weak appeal?

I don’t know where to turn,
Whether it’s right or left,
Whether it’s green or red,
Or if it’s simply a straight walk ahead.

What is this that you do to me?
Build me up like a statue, but then crush me for another painting,
Stop filling me with your finishing details,
Allow me to sit still like the names and dates on the tombstones,

I’m not your average death to all spirits that fly,
I’m yet another sign,
Where is my reply?
To all the questions that I obeyed on your crumbled arms,
I’m iron, but yet not steal,
So answer me when I ask if this is how a human should feel?
Stop stomping on me when I am already crushed,
Stop searching for my soul,
If invisibility has taken my trust,

What is this hunger in my heart?
It’s an indescribable type of thought,
It’s buried where no man can dig,
It’s in a dead zone that I’m still waiting to pick,
Give me a sign as why I should never forgive,
Give me lord, my sign that will awaken me from the dead.

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