I’ve attended the Undoing Racism Workshop offered by The People’s Institute for Survival and Beyond, twice. I’ve gone on to facilitate several DEI workshops and I am also the co-creator of an Intra-Professional Antiracism Dialogue and Discourse Series (IPADDS). While preparing for and facilitating all of these workshops and IPADDS events I was always reminded of a foundational tenant of the Undoing Racism Workshop and that is “Racism de-humanizes us all.” It doesn’t matter what race, Black, White and everything in between, we are all de-humanized by racism.
One of the most profound examples of this for me is when you look at several components of White Dominant Culture which include, either-or-thinking, paternalism, fear of conflict, worship of the written word, defensiveness and several other components and most importantly for this article, perfectionism. I must stress that since this is the Dominant Culture, it can be likened to the air that we breathe. All of us are breathing the same air, so it affects us ALL, again, no matter our race. Perfectionism is often seen as an ideal way of being, something we should all strive for. However, what it creates is an air where mistakes are seen as personal and are a reflection of the person themselves. The person is identified as a mistake and there is little to no time for learning. This way of thinking goes against the definition of being human which is to be imperfect. Humans by nature are always making mistakes and learning and improving from them. So to strip us of our ability to do so is stripping us of our humanity, in effect, dehumanizing us.
This identification and belief of oneself being a mistake, is defined, by many scholars, as shame-based thinking. It is the driver of perfectionism. We hope that if we can do it perfectly and act perfectly we can shield ourselves from the criticism of being a mistake, a failure, not good enough, flawed, unworthy, etc. When we are steeped in shame-based thinking we typically do 3 things (sometimes all at the same time). 1) We self sabotage, because they don’t believe they are worth anything good. 2) We flirt with risky behavior and when it goes badly, we point to it as proof of our inherent brokenness and unworthiness. 3) We punish ourselves by self-isolating, believing that we are not worth getting close to and if anyone did they wouldn’t want to be around us and would abandon us. Ultimately, living like this will keep all us from going after our goals and dreams. It also strips us of our human need for connection. And it is connection which can start to reverse shame-based thinking because with connection comes empathy, and shame cannot exist where empathy persists.
I believe it is my calling from God to bring awareness to perfectionism and its driver: shame. By doing so I’m not only initiating vulnerability and connection but I am also bringing us back to our humanity. If it feels revolutionary, that’s because it is! At its core it’s going against White Dominant Culture. So while I may not be directly facilitating antiracism events or DEI workshops, in my own way, by facilitating workshops that help us to let go of perfectionism I still am doing antiracism work. I identify myself as a quiet revolutionary and the movement that I am leading brings me immense fulfillment and joy.
- Letting Go of Perfectionism: an Act of Antiracism – by Janelle Villiers - November 20, 2024
This is an insightful article. The irony of a country persisting in a shame-based mindset, unwilling to admit that this is shameful. How has our society been successful inspite of this fact? Is it possible that Darwinism, the idea of survival of the fitest, lends a hand in our way of thinking? What measures can I take today to reprogram my thinking and reframe my environment?