Most harm in intimate relationships does not begin with violence.   It begins with patterns that quietly erode clarity, confidence and emotional safety. 

Control is often subtle at first, emotional destabilisation becomes normalised and boundaries are tested, then crossed. 

By the time situations escalate into crisis… whether emotional, financial, legal or physical… warning signs have often been present for some time.  The issue is not a lack of awareness; it’s more of a lack of understanding of how escalation works and how early support can change outcomes.   

Intimate partner abuse, toxic relationship dynamics and the emotional fallout of separation and divorce are often treated as private matters.  However, in reality, they are community, workplace and public safety issues.  When escalation is missed, the consequences rarely stay contained. 

Why this is a workplace issue 

People do not leave emotional strain, fear or high-conflict dynamics at the door when they come to work. 

Individuals navigating toxic relationships, separation or divorce are often managing disrupted sleep, chronic stress, impaired concentration and heightened vigilance.  Many are also dealing with the legal processes, financial uncertainty or early coparenting arrangements that place sustained pressure on emotional regulation and decision-making. 

These realities frequently show up as performance concerns, absenteeism, withdrawal or difficulty focusing.  Too often, they are misinterpreted as disengagement or lack of resilience, rather than someone under prolonged strain.  This is particularly true during divorce and early co-parenting, when conflict is ongoing rather than resolved. 

Workplaces are not responsible for investigating personal relationships, but they are often one of the few consistent environments where early warning signs appear… making them an important point of awareness, support and prevention. 

The impact rarely affects one person alone.  Prolonged, emotional strain often spills into teams through missed deadlines, increased errors, tension, absenteeism, reduced communication, presenteeism or the quiet distribution of workload.  Colleagues may feel unsure how to respond, while managers struggle to support performance without understanding the underlying strain.

Escalation is predictable 

Escalation is rarely random as it follows identifiable patterns. 

Behavioural threat specialists assess risk by observing changes over time rather than isolated incidents.  In the context of intimate partner relationships, escalation may include increasing surveillance, financial restriction, emotional manipulation framed as concern or pressure exerted through shared responsibilities such as parenting. 

One of the most consistently misunderstood periods is separation.  When control is challenged, risk often increases rather than subsides.  Post-separation abuse and highconflict co-parenting can be particularly destabilising, yet these dynamics remain widely under-recognised across professional and organisational settings. 

When escalation is not understood, responses tend to come too late, after harm has already intensified! 

A prevention-informed lens 

My work operates at the intersection of emotional recovery and prevention.  I work with men and women navigating toxic relationships, separation, divorce and post-relationship recovery… as well with athletes and organisations operating under sustained pressure.  This work spans both the United States and United Kingdom and includes collaborations with former FBI special agents now working in behavioural threat assessment, security and prevention, alongside involvement with US based divorce and co-parenting networks. 

Across these settings, the same patterns repeatedly emerge.  When emotional strain is ignored or minimised, risk increases.  When emotional clarity and support are introduced early, outcomes change. 

When emotional recovery fits 

Prevention is often framed as a matter of policy or awareness.  Those elements are important, but they are rarely sufficient on their own. 

Emotional strain affects how people think, assess risk and make decisions.  Individuals navigating toxic dynamics, prolonged conflict or coercive relationships often struggle to trust their perceptions, regulate their responses or plan safely… particularly during highstakes transitions such as separation and co-parenting. 

Recovery-informed support focuses on restoring steadiness rather than revisiting trauma.  It helps individuals recognise unhealthy patterns, regulate their nervous system, regain confidence in their judgement and establish clearer boundaries.  When people feel emotionally supported rather than judged or rushed, they are far better able to make decisions that reduce risk rather than compound it. 

As both a practitioner and a parent, I have seen how unresolved emotional strain during separation and co-parenting can quietly spill into communication, decision-making and long-term family dynamics, often long before situations are labelled as ‘abusive’ or ‘serious.’ 

What organisations can do better 

Organisations do not need to become experts in intimate partner abuse or relationship breakdown, but they do need to understand how escalation shows up and how to respond responsibly. 

This includes recognising that emotional strain, divorce and co-parenting conflict directly affect wellbeing and performance, understanding that separation can be a highrisk period, providing confidential and informed support pathways and avoiding responses that inadvertently increase pressure, isolation or fear. 

Silence is often mistaken for neutrality.  In reality, it is the space where escalation is most likely to grow! 

A necessary shift 

Prevention is not about predicting harm, it is about recognising patterns early enough to change outcomes. 

When emotional insight and behavioural understanding work together, individuals are supported before situations escalate into crisis.  Workplaces are stronger and families are better protected and people are no longer left to navigate high-risk transitions alone. 

That shift is not aspirational!  It is achievable and increasingly necessary. 

Photo by M.T ElGassier on Unsplash