I remember being very young hearing a story about my grandma that broke my heart. My aunt says my grandma would work all day cleaning ships and would come home filthy. She was dirty from head to toe, the only things clear were her eyes. This was shocking for me to hear. She was always positive and laughing and joyous. But my grandma worked her entire life, put in an arranged marriage at 14, raised her five children by herself, and moved to the U.S. with nothing. Never did I see her cry or down or complain. She took care of her children and grandchildren without a single complaint. I wonder sometimes the courage it takes to move to the U.S. without anything. How she faced ridicule and hate from being poor and never good enough for my grandfather’s mother. She did it without complaint and she never let the hate get to her.
I am so grateful for my grandma and proud of all she has done. These are all the things I have never said to her. My Mandarin is not the best and she never spoke of her past in complaints. There is a cultural divide where there’s things we never really talked deeply about. She made sure I was fed and had school money. There was never depth and emotion in our conversations. In Chinese culture, there are usually a lot of reserved emotions and less expressive manner than Americans. Of course, there had been times where I wanted to talk about these things but she would brush it off. She would say “You’re just a kid” or “It’s the past, nothing you can do now.”
I believe it’s important to talk about these things, to hold on to stories for future generations. Immigrants like to start new and not hold onto these things when moving to America. I would argue these are some of the most important things to offer to keep moving forward but to remember where it began. Because of this I don’t know many things about my Grandma, she moved from China to Taiwan to escape communism then eventually moved to the U.S. to start an Asian restaurant. The things I do know is that my Grandma gave up a lot, not only was she in an arranged marriage and forced to have children. She was then forced to keep having children because her first three children were girls. In Chinese culture it is essential to have sons to carry on the last name. Afterwards, she had two sons who were my Dad and my Uncle. This was never enough to make my grandpa’s mother happy. Finally, they move to the U.S. first arriving in New York City where they began their American life. Although she had a few family members already here, she began a life with no English and sacrificed a lot with the cultural change.
As a young child, I went to the grocery store with my grandma. She would knock on watermelons to tell if it was ripe. I remember hearing a man laugh and call her a name. As I grew older this angered me. That man did not know what my grandma has been through, what she has sacrificed, and did not understand a cultural difference. My grandma had no idea. As an adult, I translated and felt a need to protect them from this, because they never truly understood the cultural divide between Chinese culture and rural america.
Today, my grandparents live in Queens, New York City and I visit them often. We don’t talk about much, but I know they think I’m a good kid finishing college. An opportunity I am beyond grateful for. She will never understand the sacrifices she made and how appreciative and proud I am. However, I will tell her stories to my kids and their kids, we will remember her.
- Dear Grandma – by Jolie Chiang - April 6, 2024