It is important to know the difference between being good and being nice. Good people are not always nice. And nice people are not always good. Being nice is easy and being good is fierce hard work.
The question is, do you choose to be a good person or a nice person? Pope Francis, who we lost on Easter Monday chose to be a good person he understood that which is preached in 1 John 3:18, good deeds make a difference, in the vernacular talk is cheap. We are what we do, and good people do good deeds.
Niceness is based on the condition of comfort and safety. Nice people can be polite, even congenial. They can afford to be so. Many times, nice people do not have to contend with the reality that billions of people face on this planet. Nice people, for the most part, have never hungered or experienced abject poverty or unprovoked violence. They live in safe places, went to safe schools and later were employed in safe well-paying positions. One can go from the cradle to the grave in the safe comfort of nice.
Being good is far more dangerous, And a lot of hard work. Pope Francis’s last days were packed with good deeds from washing the feet of the incarcerated, shepherding the faithful as Catholic’s spiritual leader and caring for the welfare of millions. He spoke words of wisdom and in those last days, he bravely waved the banner of compassion and courage. To paraphrase Dylan Thomas, “he did not go gently into that good night.”
Being a good person means loving life and loving the life of others. Good people are people of action; they do not talk a good game. Good people take the initiative; they do not have to be told what to do. when they see a necessity, they do it!
Example of goodness is Lenny Skutnik in 1982, a plane crashed into the icy waters of the Potomac. Priscilla Tirado, one of the survivors of the crash, had managed to get out of the plane. The firefighters who responded to the crash refused to go into the deep icy water—too dangerous. They stood there watching Priscilla struggle for survival, letting her drown. Lenny Skutnik watching her fight for her life jumped off the 14th St. bridge, rescued her and brought her to shore. It was an act of heroism. Good people take action. Good people save lives.
Another example of good people in action was Sully on the Hudson. Through skill and courage Captain Sullenberger saved the lives of 155 people on the plane while not endangering lives on the ground. With all engines out, he guided the plane and glided onto the Hudson. That took courage, skill, and good judgment.
Another profile in courage is Rosa Parks. She was the catalyst for the Montgomery Bus Boycott. The popular story is that Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat because she had a hard day at work, and her feet hurt. In reality, Rosa Parks was a member of the NAACP, and the organization had decided to boycott the segregated buses of Montgomery Alabama. Rosa Parks volunteered to take the risk, to be the spark for the Civil Rights Movement. Parks was sitting in the ‘colored’ section of the bus, as the rules stated. However, the rule was when the bus became crowded the Afro Americans passengers who were sitting in the ‘colored’ section were to give up their seats to whites who boarded the bus or face being arrested.
When it was Rosa Parks turn to give up her seat, she said, “no!” She grew up in Montgomery. She knew she would be arrested and taken to the police station for refusing to relinquish her seat. She knew she could be beaten or even killed for remaining seated. She did it anyway. Let’s be clear, good people are not fearless. They do good deeds, despite their fears. That’s courage!
Gassama a young Malian man who, in 2018, without a thought for his own safety, climbed 5 stories up the facade of a building in Paris to save a four-year-old child hanging from a fourth-floor balcony. That’s courage!
Good people not only take action. They listen. Truly listen to feedback and facts. They do not simply rely on their feelings and their opinions and the opinions of others. They discern the difference between opinions and facts. And are willing to hear and change based on facts.
I am an optimistic realist. I am willing to accept Joseph Campbell, a cultural historian, premise that “The world is perfect. It’s a mess. It has always been a mess,” while accepting Margaret Mead’s premise “never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” That small group are good people. They take action. The world may be a mess, but they work to make it a better place.
It is your choice to take the road to discoveries and the betterment of the world. As good people, you have been given the tools to be good, and it is your choice to be good or nice. To be good, you have to be open to examining your life. Socrates stated, “The unexamined life is not worth living,” If you value integrity, fairness, justice and respecting others, those values will serve you well! Those values will help you to examine your life now and in the future.
I am both a clinical and organizational psychologist. When I was seeing therapeutic clients, I had one client who would tell me, almost every session, that she was a good person. Throughout the sessions, she would share incidents in her life concerning her family and her friends. She would mock them and look down on them. I provided a non-judgmental and empathetic environment where she could examine her life. The day she started the session stating, “you know, I used to be a good person. I’m a nice person now. I do what is nice. I want to be a good person again. I want to be a good person.” That day, I knew she had made a breakthrough. She had examined her life and had come out on the other side wanting to be a good person.
To be good, you have to be open to examining your life. Years ago, a friend asked me, “when have you compromised too much?” My reply was when you have to ask yourself that question. You have to draw a line in the sand that you know you will not cross based on your values, so you don’t cross it by accident. Know thyself. And know that none of us are perfect. But you can be good without being perfect.
Zapata, a Mexican revolutionary leader is quoted as saying, “I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees.” As an optimistic realist, I prefer the quote of Kurt Vonnegut, “it is better to live on one’s feet.” Vonnegut also stated, “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
When you have compromised too much, please remember who you pretend to be is who you are. Your actions speak for you. Know your values. It is up to you to choose to be a good person.
Good people not only act they listen. Even if they don’t agree with what is being said they listen. They listen because they know they may learn something new. They listen because they care. Nice people engage in pleasantries. They are not bad people they mean no harm. They’re polite.
The summer after my first year in college my dad died. When I returned to college that fall, a classmate, not a friend, at best an acquaintance, asked “how was your summer?” She was being nice. I did not realize she was being nice. I thought she was asking me about my summer. I responded, “My dad died.” She responded, “Great,” and kept on walking and I realized she was just being nice. She really was not interested in my summer. When they asked about my summer, my friends at college were interested in my summer. It is important to listen. Good people listen and not simply rely on pleasantries.
So, it is up to you, are you going to be a Captain Sully, a Lenny Skutnik, a Rosa Parks, a Gassama, or a Pope Francis?
Are you going to be a good person and take action? Or the nice person who videos the incidents and place them on Tik-Tok, Insta-gram or YouTube and does a commentary. Being nice is a pleasantry. Will you put some skin in the game?
You have the tools. The world is a mess. The world has always been a mess. But you can make it a little less messy. It’s your choice!
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
- Political Violence & Inclusion– by Deborah Ashton - September 16, 2025
- The Difference Between Good and Nice – by Deborah Ashton - May 19, 2025
- Inclusion and DEI Trends 2025 – by Dr. Deborah Ashton - January 13, 2025