Have you ever thought about how you think differently than others? My story starts when I was little in a place called Tennessee. I was 2 or 3 years old at this time. At this stage of age, toddlers like me are supposed to talk or speak in little sentences. Well…according to my mom I didn’t exactly speak “normally” like the rest of my family. My mom, who’s a doctor, told me that I spoke in one or two syllable words. Sometimes if I was asked to repeat a word I would but I wouldn’t speak in clear sentences.
Fast forward to when I turned 5, after my younger twin brothers were born, my parents (mostly my mom) would begin to notice how strange I acted at the time. I don’t know what exactly the details were, but my mother told me that I was quiet and liked to have fun with myself. My mom and dad thought back to when I was 3: I showed signs of having Aspergers or high-functioning autism. However, being the good parents they were, they didn’t want to assume it onto me early. Back to my 5th year of age, they decided to get a check up on me; to their surprise, it turns out they were right. I did have high functioning autism.
After the diagnosis was made, they didn’t freak out or cry over me having this disorder. I think they were fine with my condition as long as it wasn’t anything serious. For a while, I didn’t realize I had autism until one day after church. My younger brother asked mom, “Why doesn’t [Trey] smile?” My mom said, “He does smile. He just chooses to smile when he wants to.” Then I replied, “Also, even though I don’t smile, that doesn’t mean I’m usually happy. I can be happy and have the same expression on when I’m bored or so.” Regardless, she mentions that I have autism and sometimes people with autism can have different emotions than other people do. That was honestly the first time I heard mom use the word in front of me and my brothers. There were probably some other times, but this one was the most memorable one.
Moving on to my school life, school was ok for the most part because most of the time I kept to myself sometimes and sure I had a small group of friends and castmates, but I would barely invite anyone over to my house. I was mostly a loner throughout high school and as well as a quiet antisocial guy. Smart but not talkative. Being a kid with autism can be a bit lonely sometimes. However, being a kid with autism in the school system is challenging. My mom had to fight the city schools systems for my rights, my accommodations on tests, and the SAT extra time policy. I managed to get a 21 on the SAT due to my excellent work on the mathematics portion of the test as well as getting into a cool university from this achievement.
Later on in college life, I struggled with something personal of mine. For a long time, I realized that the puzzle piece for autism is a bad representation of the autistic community. I found that the infinity sign corresponds with neurodiversity and acceptance in the autistic community. But the big thing I realized was that the words “high functioning” was bad in the same community. So, after taking to heart with asking family, friends, a report, and the internet, I finally decided to stop using “high functioning” in any of my future stuff and social media forever.
As I look back in my life, I realized I “wandered” through life pretty alright. Of course I have to thank my parents, my brothers, my extended family, friends, etc. for giving me the best life I can make of myself. Honestly, when I look back at it, do I regret any of it? Some possibly but the “high functioning” part is definite no.
- The Autistic Wanderer – by Alfred Bolden III - April 6, 2024