Small talk delights and confounds us, and it is worth asking why.In this short humorous piece I will confine myself to American small talk, as there appear to be different variations on this tune, as Mark Twain might also have pointed out if he had written more about American English and less about the German language.
On the one hand, it can feel overly factual and too easy, (are they making fun of me?) on the other hand, it is full of ambiguity and hidden meaning.But do you KNOW what that meaning is?It is also a way of getting to know you quickly, whatever the circumstances, sharing information, getting the real information fast or just having some fun in a bored moment.
Hence I share with you a “Small Talk Vignette” from one of my trips in the US.Although I am American, I have felt like a foreigner in the US at various times, and this was one of them:
This fundamental concept is one of the core principles of my work and integral to DTG’s approach to dealing with diversity issues in the workplace and marketplace.Diversity issues or employee relation issues (among people who are different) typically involve two people.The perpetrator or the initiator of the behavior is one party and the target or the receiver of the behavior is the second party.
The diversity issue or incident (sometimes it is one “moment of truth”) is defined as a behavior, an action, or a series of behaviors (a pathology or trend) that one party (the target) feels or concludes based on the behavior(s) was wrong, inappropriate, disrespectful, discriminatory or illegal.
First – We Don’t Know the Intentions of Others
We all mean well.I never question the intent of any person’s actions.We actually don’t know the intentions of the other person but we assume their intentions based on the behavior we see, how we react (our feelings) or the kind of relationship we have with the perpetrator.This is the first mistake. We should look at the behavior(s) in question and only the behavior(s).Looking just at the face value of the behavior is a good start.
I tend to focus on the actual behavior and how that behavior might affect or influence other people.In other words, I focus on the impact said behavior(s) has on other people.The consequences of any action, how the behavior might be received or perceived or experienced is what I tend to scrutinize.
Second – “I didn’t Mean It”
I find too many people will get defensive when the target confronts the perpetrator about the behavior(s).The perpetrator typically responds with, “I didn’t mean it the way you took it.”Often, in my travels, people don’t want to be held accountable for their actions.Unfortunately, this does not take the “sting” out of the behavior(s).What matters is what you said, not what you meant.
What Is Appropriate
Don’t take it personally – apologize for your comment.Don’t try to avoid your responsibility – step up to the plate.Don’t focus on your intentions – no one knows your intentions.Try to put yourself in the target’s shoes and understand their feelings.Put your feelings aside.This is not about you – the perpetrator – this is about the target.Try to empathize with the target.Apologize and ask the target to always come and share with this person their feelings whenever they feel wronged.You want to be perceived as humble, approachable and “bigger” than any one incident.What you don’t want to do is seem defensive, stubborn, or stubborn.Reach out!This is a wake up call that you need to improve this relationship.Misunderstandings are more likely to arise among strangers or people who have strained or weak relationships.
Most Common Mistakes
“You people!What do your people think?You are so articulate for a (blank); I don’t see you as a (blank).Men/women, you can’t….” These are some of the most common mistakes people make. Stay away from these behaviors.Never see people as members of a group but rather focus on the person, the individual.If you do go here, apologize immediately and reach out and ask for help and coaching from the other person.
When I provided an introductory session for highly skilled Toastmaster Ant Blair, my goal was to earn the privilege of providing him a program that blends training on how to effect change in one, brief conversation with coaching. Ant was quite engaged during his training. I was feeling optimistic about the outcome. Then at the end of his session, something totally unexpected happened. Ant was the one to effect change in one, brief conversation.
Five days ago, I was on the other side of the globe. Exhausted from twelve weeks of attempting to keep up with this fast-paced Mecca of the international business world, I was still not ready to extract myself from the extrovert’s haven that is Shanghai. This is the land of business cards and alcohol, where the networking maniacs of the West flock to jump into the Eastern financial “boom”, assuming that the “bust” is nowhere in sight. For one brief summer, I was a part of this cultural mish-mash, ecstatic to surround myself with the expats, entrepreneurs, and “students of life” that are so enthusiastic to be exposed to the challenges of living in such a foreign, yet increasingly Westernized, environment. Being a student of psychology, the best way for me to summarize my experience in China is to describe the mental processes I used to adapt. Looking back on my little adventure, I can easily identify the points at which I hit the various stages of Culture Shock, and it is through this cycle that I feel others can catch a better glimpse of my path of growth.
Why does Diversity & Inclusion include so little religious diversity training? The cultural awareness and cultural competence inherent in D&I are increasingly embraced as major tools of the global market place of the future.
Starting your own business is hard work and it’s even harder when you’re a mom entrepreneur. Finding the time to grow your business while also raising children is an intimidating task. If you’re looking to generate a business plan that focuses on coworking ideas, an on-demand product, or simply selling products over the internet, it may seem like you simply don’t have the time when you’re also focused on raising your children.
However, it’s certainly not impossible. Many women in your situation have gone on to become successful entrepreneurs. They simply knew how to manage their time effectively.
These tips will help you do the same. If you’re trying to balance the responsibilities of being a mom and a business owner, keep them in mind.
The first day of the year in the lunar calendar is to many Chinese, Koreans, and Vietnamese who live outside their home countries, the most important festival of the new year that they celebrate. Other Asian ethnic groups may join the festivity in their neighborhoods even though they observe their owe New Year days. For example, the Thais honor their Songkran (Water Festival) in April or the Gujaratis celebrate theirs the day before the Asian Indian Diwali (the Festival of Lights) in late October or early November. As for the Japanese and Filipinos, they choose to observe the Gregorian New Year. With this festive day around the corner, let’s look at some of the New Year traditions of Chinese, Koreans, and Vietnamese.
The turning of a new year is as good of a time as any to be thankful, to kick up and dig in your heels, to celebrate freedom, to remember the ongoing struggle, to laugh and dance and get high in whatever way feels right and joyful to you and to love, love, love.
It is a good time to mourn as we lost many beloved people this year, some close to us, many more who were close to those whom we know not, yet we grieve all those who died from hunger, war, or hate. We take time to recognize our loss, and recommit ourselves to life, and to live so that those who are gone might live on with us.
Society is demanding that companies, both public and private, serve a social purpose. To prosper over time, every company must not only deliver financial performance, but also show how it makes a positive contribution to society. Companies must benefit all of their stakeholders, including shareholders, employees, customers, and the communities in which they operate.” –Larry Fink, CEO, $6 Trillion BlackRock investment manager in his 2018 advisory letter
Mr. Fink’s extraordinary, yet seemingly common sense conclusion is that we need to consider caring not only for shareholders but also for stakeholders, especially employees. But is that a likely shift?
During the early morning of October 16, 2018, I was awakened by the muffled voices of my parents who were scurrying around their home. I could hear them speaking but did not know what they were talking about and besides, I was interested in getting a bit more sleep. At approximately 7:00am one of them appeared in the doorway. She told me what time it was and that we were evacuating. Initially I thought, is it that serious? Nevertheless, I immediately got out of bed and put on some jeans and tennis shoes, grabbed my Vera Bradley duffle and put a few toiletries into the matching cosmetics bag.
I was visiting, so my bags were readily available. It took very little time and we were out the door and into the driving rain. As I got into the back seat of the truck I noticed that there was a ladder propped against the roof of the carport. The situation appeared to be worse than I thought. After a few minutes the door next to me opened, and I was handed the next-door neighbor’s dog and told we must evacuate her also. No problem, I love dogs. Within the next few moments we were driving up the hill to higher ground with the next-door neighbors, from both sides, following in their vehicles.
In the early morning of October 16, 2018, I was awakened by the muffled voices of my parents who were scurrying around their home. I could hear them speaking but did not know what they were talking about. Besides, I was interested in getting a bit more sleep. At approximately 7:00am one of them appeared in the doorway. She told me what time it was and that we were evacuating. Initially I thought, is it that serious? Nevertheless, I immediately got out of bed and put on some jeans and tennis shoes, grabbed my Vera Bradley duffle and put a few toiletries into the matching cosmetics bag. I was visiting, so my bags were readily available. It took very little time and we were out the door and into the driving rain.
Small talk delights and confounds us, and it is worth asking why. In this short humorous piece I will confine myself to American small talk, as there appear to be different variations on this tune, as Mark Twain might also have pointed out if he had written more about American English and less about the German language. 